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叔叔幽默笑话

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发表时间:2020-06-29 15:00


1

公司待遇低,上班时间遛出去开网约车,接的第一单,乘客居然是老板。我都把车费退给老板了,还是把我开除了。又应聘了一家公司,新老板把公司前景描绘得一片光明。为了上班不迟到,我打了辆网约车,没想到遇到老板在兼职。这公司我还能待


2

昨天看了个视频,教做红烧肘子,看的我口水直流,跟老妈撒娇说自己也想吃。下午下班前接到老妈电话,告诉我红烧肘子没有,不过做了红烧排骨,现在她和老爸吃饱了要去逛街,经费还有点紧张……我听立刻转了500给老妈,马不停蹄的赶回家,盯着桌子上吃剩下的排骨棍和一张写着“你减肥!”的纸条目瞪狗呆!



3

一男孩拿着一支钢笔来找我:叔叔,你家的钢笔我用了三天就坏了,我妈让我问问你能不能换一支?我:怎么坏了?男孩:我抽满墨水一开始能用两天,昨天我抽满墨水,两个小时就用光了。我:孩子,那是你作业太多了!

4

今天老爸跟老妈吵架,突然老爸对站在一旁看热闹的我说:“是吧,儿子”我见到他眼神里透露出的渴望,我毫不犹豫的站在了老妈那边,事后老爸质问我,我默默地回了一句“你以为加上我,咱俩就有胜算了吗?”


5

带小侄子下楼买李子,摊主很热情:随便尝,随便尝。小侄一听随便尝,顺手抄起一芒果就撕皮。摊主木着脸称好李子,我过意不去只好又买了几个芒果。摊主脸这才阴转晴,麻利的称好秤,然后捡了个和侄子尝的大小差不多的芒果放回原处,这才递给我。。。

6

酷热难耐,火辣的太阳底下,我挺拔的身姿,成为了最为独特的风景。我审视四周,万物似乎都停了下来,注视、期待!这里,是我的舞台,我就是天地间的王者。这一刻,我豪气冲天,终于大喊一声:收破烂啦~



1 COMPANY SALARY IS LOW, go out to open the net to invite a car during working hours, receive the first single, the passenger is the boss unexpectedly. I gave my boss a refund on my cab fare, and they fired me anyway. I applied for another job, and the new boss painted a bright future for the company. In order not to be late for work, I took a LYFT, did not expect to meet the boss in part-time. Can I still be in the company? 2 yesterday saw a video, teach to do braised elbow, see of my saliva DC, with the mother act like a spoiled child say oneself also want to eat. I got a phone call from my mother before work in the afternoon. She told me that she didn't have braised pork in brown sauce, but she made braised pork ribs. Now she and my father are full and going shopping. The money is still a little tight... I immediately transferred 500 to my mother and hurried home, stare at the leftover ribs on the table and a note that says "you lose weight! " Stare at the dog! A boy with a pen came to me: uncle, your pen I used for three days, my mother asked me to ask you can change one? Me: Why is it broken? Boy: I could fill it up in two days at first. Yesterday I filled it up and it ran out in two hours. Me: boy, THAT'S TOO much homework! 4 today, my father and my mother quarreled. Suddenly, my father said to me standing by. "Right, son? " I saw the longing in his eyes. I didn't hesitate to stand by my mother's side, i silently replied a "you think with me, we have a chance to win? " The promotion of the company has a rich experience in the construction team, safe and reliable, efficient, excellent service! 5 take little nephew downstairs to buy plums, the vendor is very warm: feel free to taste, feel free to taste. Little nephew a listen to taste casually, pick up a mango on the peel. The stall owner said good plum, wooden face, I feel bad had to buy a few more mango. The stall owner's face then turned sunny, quickly weighing well, and then picked up a nephew to taste the size of the mango back to the original, this just handed me . . Under the Scorching Sun, my upright posture has become the most unique scenery. I look around, everything seems to have stopped, watching, looking forward to! Here, is my stage, I am the King of Heaven and earth. At this moment, I am proud, and finally shouted: The collection of junk ~

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